IBARW: Blogging through my options as a white male who doesn’t want to be racist, but is damn aware he still is quite capable of it
Hi.
For International Blog against racism week, I’m going to talk about being white. My name is Stephen, I run Designated Sidekick, and I’m white, and I’m racist. This gives me a set of options for how I handle issues of race and racism in my life
- Option 1: Being racist deliberately, willingly and avidly
I’m white. Race happens to other people. It’s always an option for me to get involved. My skin tone matches flesh coloured bandaids. I can say “Oh, I’m not a racist but…those Thanagarians” and then launch into a racist cliche or stereotype or reinforce that all people of a race are bound by the actions of individuals, but white people aren’t a collective so it’s not *my* fault if someone else was racist. (See also: “Well, I’ve heard it said that…”) It’s where I judge a race based on a collective but make individual exceptions for the individuals I know “Oh that’s what I’d expect from a Thanagarian. well, except for Katar Hol. He’s cool.” Collectively? Bad. Individually? Okay. But that’s because other people’s races are collective, and being white makes me an individual. After all, all [ethnic subgroup noun] are good at martial arts, [ethnic collective noun] are natural athletes and white people are individuals.
- Option2: Preferring to be racist than to be right.
This is a popular option when I’ve been blindsided by doing something inadvertently racist. Sure, I didn’t know that calling a Thanagarian a featherback was pretty damn offensive, but now I’ve been told, well then, I know i didn’t do it deliberately, so calling them featherbacks wasn’t intentionally wrong on my behalf, so they shouldn’t be so angry about it at me. I mean really, I didn’t do it deliberately, so why the fuss? I mean, being corrected on a race issue is much less important than to me that being defensive about why someone is so mean. I said I didn’t do it deliberately. Now they’re being mean to me, so I’d rather be wrong and racist than give them the satisfaction of being treated with human dignity. After all, they’ve made me upset by saying what I said was racist, why should I have to apologise when they hurt my feelings? After all, nobody likes to be corrected do they? Isn’t it sweeter to be wrong than to be able to be corrected and improve your performance for next time?
Remember, white people like me will find it more offensive to be called racist than to have been racist in the first place.
- Option 3: Being angry about race politics harshing my fun
Because after all, it’s my white fun that’s more important than your dignity, or your rights to be treated as a human. I mean, seriously, it’s not like I tell Thanagarian jokes every day of the week. Why are you trying to take my fun away? It’s just a comic. Or a joke. Or an attitude. It’s not like you’ve got an entitlement to be treated with dignity or as a person, or allowed to enjoy a safe environment where you’d not the butt of the jokes. I mean, Rudolph turned out okay but he wasn’t invited into any reindeer games and things worked out when Santa needed to use him in a dangerous and hostile environment. Honestly. Your desire to be treated with dignity is so harshing my squee it’s so unfair. That’s so mean of you to take my fun away. You’re so mean.
- Option 4: Being upset that you’re being mean to me
I just explained that my best Thanagarian friend lets me call him a featherback, so it’s okay for me to call all Thanagarians featherbacks. Why are you being so angry? I mean, I said it was okay for me to do this, it’s not like you’re listening to my feelings when you’re so angry all the time. I have feelings too you know, and being loud and shouting and now I’m upset and I’m not going to listen to a big mean featherback like you and I’m sorry if you hadn’t upset me I wouldn’t have called you that because you were shouting and so angry. Why can’t you be happy or nicer to me? I’m not a racist, but you Thanagarians are awfully angry all the time. Maybe If you weren’t so angry, this wouldn’t happen to you.
- Option 5: Complaining about being white
White people have bad things happen too. White video game characters get killed by white video game characters. White actors are costars in white films too. Demanding equal treatment, and not to be discarded as invisible or a secondary disposable character in life isn’t helping here. White people get killed on film too you know. I mean, I know there was the Thanagarian character in Infinite Crisis. I know they got killed, but you got to be an important plot point to assist the movement of the story for the white character. What more do you want?
- Option 6: Fronting up to it when called on it
Like it or not, I could write this post because I’ve been there. Don’t give me the irony line. This isn’t some ironic commentary. This is stuff I’ve said. Stuff I’ve felt. I’ve been angry when confronted on my racism. It stings to hell and back to realise I’ve just said something so damnably stupid, and it hurts, and I want to lash back and say “YOU HURT HULK! HULK SMASH”. But frankly, the reason I just got called on it is because I just hurt someone else. Harshing my squee? Fucking hell, if my squee requires me to be racist to get my happy feelings, then I got a problem. Complaining that someone wanting the situation to not be racist so they can have some of the squee sensation themselves is a problem. Problems have solutions. Solution is to not need to be a racist to get your squee on.
I’ve been called on race issues when someone who cares enough about me is willing to say (not always in these words,) “Hey, Steve, you’re screwing it up, and I trust you enough to be willing to say you’re screwing it up, and I trust you didn’t deliberate do something racist”. That’s insanely brave on their behalf. It’s a show of faith in my humanity, and willingness to learn. I don’t just have the obligation to apologise for the screw up, I have the option to thank someone for their willingness to get my back and cover for my mistake, and show me a way forward. That’s a debt. That’s an obligation to repay their faith. Someone did me a favour and I’m angry? How much do I have to suck as a human to be angry about that? What’s next? I’ll get pissed off they bought me a gift for my birthday?
- Option 7: Dig in for the long haul
I am racist.
I get it wrong, I screw up, I bang my head against the table, I say something stupid and blow a moment that should’ve been better into a thousand wrecked parts, and then I have to clamber over the side of my ego, deflate it, admit mistakes and error, and try to learn, and pick myself up, apologise, and try again.
Still, I don’t want to be racist.
I have a choice, and I have to make choices. I worry about how I treat students in my classes, whether I cut slack for them or give them the benefit of the doubt based on their surnames, skin colour or sound of their voice. Did the student win the points fair, or was I soft on them? Did they get a bonus point for or against skin colour?
I have to fight the social conditioning, I have to fight the little nagging voice in my head when I see a woman in a headscarf, when I have a student with a skin tone that’s not mine, and hear an accent that’s not mine, listen to an origin story that doesn’t match mine. Day in, day out. I have to question whether I just jumped back because the person was darker skinned than me, or because we just both nearly walked into each other around the corner? Why did I react the way I did? Was there more than one motive?
I have to think through not just my actions, but my silences as well. Do I condone the actions of the people around me when I read the racist joke in the e-mail and hit delete, rather than hit reply and say “No, that’s not acceptable”? Should I? When do I say “No, look, not on” and when do I shut up? I don’t have an answer, and I don’t expect one. It’s something I have to come to understand and accept and work out for myself.
I have to accept that it’s alright for me when people say “Oh just read something else if you’re going to be offended” because I can read something else, and not be offended, but it’s pretty bloody likely that what was offensive of the portrayal of the characters in this text is going to be there in the other texts. I can close the browser window and it goes away because I’m in the dominant cultural group. Normal is defined around what I am, and “they” are not.
I have to learn, I have to read, to listen, to shut the hell up and do my own research and not expect someone to hand me “So, Now You’ve Decided to be a White Person Aware of Colour” instruction manual and personal tutorage from the nearest not-as-white-as-me person. It’s my job to learn, not someone else’s job to teach.
And, above all, I have to accept that at the end of the day, it’s not my skin tone on the line, and while it’s my responsibility to do what I can to up my game, when it comes to the experiences of race, racism, sexism, gender role and the rest - I have to listen, to learn, and to respect that what is said from those who are not me, do not have my skin tone and do not have my advantage in life are entitle to say, speak, and feel what they have experience. It’s their life, not mine, and I don’t get to tell them how to feel about living in a social system tailored to me as a white male.
So, since I’ve blogged the white out here, I’m going to add the links to the round ups. I haven’t lived the life, and I can only read and learn from the life of others, and be grateful that they’re willing to share what their world looks like, since they don’t get a huge choice in having to share what mine looks like (stupid dominant culture, be less dominant).
Welcome to International Blog Against Racism Week!
PS: How come, whenever Bill O’Reilly gets air time nobody asks me why you white people are always so shouty and angry all the time?