Don’t understand why your boyfriend, husband, dad, brother, or male friend doesn’t dig your X-Men? Why when you pull out the All Star Batman and Robin, your one true male life companion starts making excuses about needing leave early? Even when you flick over to the slightly worn but still readable Vicky Vale lingerie spread?
Well, girl friend there are differences between boys and girls that they didn’t tell you about in biology. Lots of differences. Most of them come down to a big secret about what boys might need to get them into comics.
* He Might Need Some Heterosexual Male Crotch Watch Reinforcement
So, your boyfriend is kinda uncomfortable and a bit squirming when reading Nightwing? It’s entirely possible he’s just not comfortable with some of the artwork that focuses on the Dick rather than the Flying Grayson aspect of the series. I mean, how many open crotch legs asplay shots can you need?
The best solution is a little bit of heteronormative reinforcement therapy by heading down to catch 300 at the local cinema. There’s even bonus breasts in the movie as well, so he’s got something to remind him that manly men in tights doing manly things together includes looking at women.
* He Might Misunderstand The Nature And Role Of Breasts
Many a man labours under the misconception that breasts are natural parts of the female anatomy, and have connective tissues, and are under the command of the same laws of physics that testicles have to obey. Oh those boys and their wacky theories. Every girl knows that breasts just don’t work like that. Now, to gently ease your man into the understanding, I’m afraid you’re going to have to keep your top on for a while. Nothing like a dose of real life breasts to crush the acceptance of PowerGirl’s Alien Egg Implants as au natural.
So, this might be a bit tricky at first, but it’s a multiple step program. You’ll need to invest some time and money, but hey, a boy who reads comics? That’s worth the effort.
Step 1: Trick him. Start him off slowly with say with Catwoman, then maybe a Black Canary through to Zatanna.
Step 2: When he’s started to think that story lines might be over rated, and Alex Ross isn’t so bad after all, go for broke with the Big Barda.
Step 3: If that don’t have him believing breasts are basketballs with skin tones, there’s always the Twin Cities of Kandor Attack with PowerGirl.
* But DS, my boyfriend says he wants story lines.
Oi vey. Buy him Y:The Last Man. It has lesbians and everything. And a story line. OR you could get anything from the smart alec british bastard Neil Gaiman. I mean, seriously, a man who tackles comics writing like it’s some form of story telling mechanism. Really, the nerve of the man. Comics are for cleavage. It’s like C is for Cookie.
* Er DS, I hate those thinky type things. Why won’t my man like X-men?
Has he tried Wolverine? (It’s no use asking if he’s tried Nightwing. Everyone’s tried Nightwing once, but who ever stays with Dick Grayson?) Maybe he’s afraid of commitment, and asking him to take on a backstory and a regular monthly comic is a big event for him. After all, not everybody has the emotional resources to commit to Spiderman monthly regulars, and that’s just casual dating compared to getting into the X-men territory.
Go slow. Ease him into a smaller franchise at first, since he’ll need practice and to be ‘loosened up’, so to speak metaphorically before he’ll be able to fit an entire Marvel Crossover into his longbox without tearing something important.
* Thanks DS, I’ve had some success. He’s reading a lot of DC comics lately, and that’s where there’s a new problem. He’s been fine with Green lantern, and Justice League and he’s even admitted that PowerGirl’s superstrength could possibly mean her spine wouldn’t snap, but then he picked up my run of Supergirl, and well … he won’t read it.
Oh dear me. Look, one of the things you’ll just have to accept is that some men just don’t get into the 14 year old girl superhero who doesn’t wear underwear and hits on men her dad’s age power fantasy comics. If you’ve been leaving those issues (especially the super empowerment upskirt issues where teenage panty shots as shows of supergirl strength occur) out on the coffee table, you might want to put them back in the underwear drawer with the Dick Grayson/Jason Todd and the Oliver Queen/Roy Harper fic you printed out. Somethings aren’t meant to be shared.
* Thanks DS! Wait… you’re a guy and you like comics…
Sorry, taken. Though I hear Frank Miller’s single.
* But what about some suggested comics for him to read?
- Try easing the boy in slowly. Adaptations from TV and movie franchises, like Aliens versus Predator (DH) work well. If he accepts that, try to gently bring him around to Superman/Batman versus Aliens & Predator (DH/DC. It’s a gateway drug really).
- There’s always the Buffy Season 8 comic. Again, think of it as a gateway drug into Joss Whedon comics, since if Serenity and Firefly worked for him, it’s not too hard to get the boy across to the Astonishing X-men. Honestly.
- If he’s having trouble identifying with overtly muscular men in tights who do manly things in gruff manners with well chiseled jaws of steel - try the Blue Beetle or Booster Gold back issues of Justice League. Just, um, avoid Infinite Crisis #0. Really. It’s better if he doesn’t know. It’s been retconned away as I type. Really.
